I do want to go somewhere, actually
I know nobody reads blogs anymore but it's just easier writing to somebody that could be reading than to blank notebook pages who can't think. I want somebody to think about what I'm saying. I don't think my friends really do, my family's close. This sounds dramatic. I'm a songwriter, and I thought that would be a reliable means of communicating, because we as humans yearn for communication. But nobody listens. Or they listen, and they cry, and they move on. I think we as a society should stop moving on. It makes us so desperate. It's like we're in a perpetual state of reaching and finding comfort, and nobody lingers anymore. We need to embrace feeling sad, and uncomfortable, and just remain there for a bit. I'm a hypocrite, because I cannot stand to feel at least a little bit sad. That's why I redownloaded TikTok after three weeks and why I haven't written a good song in two months. I think my brain would benefit off of the dopamine I'd get from writing a spectacular song more than scrolling pointless videos about gender reveals, and weddings, and soldiers returning home. But it's hard to break free of when that easy dopamine just feels so quick and so good. I'll probably redelete TikTok again soon, and then wonder if my friends have even noticed, and then redownload it just to check. I'll probably repeat that a few times. I guess my 'blog' title isn't all that accurate because I want more than nothing to be somewhere else, I want to go somewhere. But right now, it feels like there's nowhere to go. Nowhere in a rural area where I can find the comfort that I shouldn't need but so desperately want. Have you ever thought about how strange the word 'nowhere' is? No-where. Instead of using 'no-place' or something like that, we decided to use 'no-where'. It's a little more poetic, and I guess I can respect that. Can you tell I just saw a video talking about Dead Poets Society? What a movie. They were chasing something, and I don't think it was comfort. Sometimes I think everyone is fake and I'm in a simulation. But on the other hand, I think it's stupid when people get all 'Truman Show-ey', because that's just main character syndrome, which I don't have. And yet here I am, writing a blog, hoping someone will read it and find me and the thoughts I've never really said at least somewhat interesting, and decide to stick around for a while. What a first post. If anyone reads this, or if I'm talking to the void, please don't get scared off. I have so much to share with the world. I don't want to go anywhere (or maybe I do) P